Talon

I'm home for the holidays. Earlier today, I was digging through my old stuff when I chanced on an old and tattered notebook that contains most of the Tagalog poems I wrote when I was stilll in high schoool.

You see, I used to write a lot in Tagalog. I was part of the editorial board of our school's Tagalog paper. There was a time that I also ventured into writing Tagalog poems.

Talon (Falls)

Malakas ang agos at tila nakatatangay,

ang ragasa ng iyong tubig -

sa batuhan at sa mga mumunting daluyan.

Ang misteryo ng iyong pinagmulan,

sa sinag ng araw, sa ulap, o sa malamig na ulan.

Wari ko'y mula sa tuktok ng langit

at patuloy ang pagbagsak sa lupang mainit.

Hindi na mabilang ang iyong nabighani -

naakit, nawili.

Sa iyong mapanganib at malalim na simula,

ako ay umibig.

Ang iyong maingay na pagdaloy -

at waring nagkukubli, nagtatago -

ng lihim, sikreto, ng susi sa iyong misteryo.

Sa patuloy na paglagaslas ng tubig -

sa kasabay ng malamig na pag-ihip -

Aking buong-buong ibibigay -

Ang buhay -

Sa iyo, at sa talon na iyong pinagmulan.

Cupcakes Made From Heaven...

THE CUPCAKE THEORY GOURMET  CUPCAKES

SULTRY, SEXY RED

Want to customize your cupcakes for this Holiday Season or any Seasons for that matter? Well, here is your answer. The Cupcake Theory Gourmet Cupcakes can let you customize your orders from Blueberry, Strawberry, Chocolate and the list goes on. You can even ask them to customize the frosting, if you want it too Butter-y or with lite Butter... More with the cream or not? It's your choice and you can always inform the owner when you order from them.

A week prior to their launching, a friend who owns this shop gave us sample cupcakes at work. And boy... it's sooo rich. You can really taste the butter and the cheese and the cream and everything. Aside from the fact that the cupcake is beautiful like the owner (ahem, discount huh?), the taste won't let you down. It got standard.

The one above is one of their cupcakes. It's called SULTRY, SEXY RED - classic southern taste of red velvet cupcakes with Philadelphia cream cheese frosting. And that's the one I've tried. YUM! It's soo sinful you'd forget SEX. And I'm not exaggerating here guys. Try it and you'll know what I'm talking about.

For Orders, please contact this number : (032) 4187154 / 09267141925. Minimum of 1 Dozen per order. Standard Size of the cupcake is 4 oz. Not bad. So, if you will order, please do tell them that you saw the cupcakes from my blog. Yeap! And you will be thanking me for that. 

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE! 

BEWARE: Don't drink Emperador and Bailey's at the same time...

This has been a long overdue post... Trying to contemplate if I should let the people know how drunk I was at that time. Oh well, it's given. Almost everyone knows I drink like there's no tomorrow. Oh yeah, if you want proof, then drink with me and you will know what I'm talking about.

This was like a week right after my Bora trip. I think so... We went to our friend's place and we brought like three (3) long necks of Emperador Brandy. The session was smooth and fun. One bottle down... Still functioning normally. Second bottle down... Still warming up. Third bottle down... Kinda tipsy I guess. Then, Devy, a good friend of mine took one bottle of Bailey's (Choco Mint) and put it on the table for consumption of course. Put some in my glass... and the next thing I know... I'm at home already. Everything after that was blackhole. I can't even remember a thing.

The next day... they told me what really happened. BTW, at first I don't believe that people could get memory lapses when they are drunk. I thought they were just making up stories to cover and protect themselves from shame. But it's true. That was the first time it happened to me. According to them, I drank the Bailey's by myself after Angel got her single shot from it. And I went to the restroom, and when I stepped out from it, I was only wearing my boxer briefs and shirt. The girls were like screaming and they helped me put on my pants. They said I was like walking with no reaction. I call that AUTO-PILOT MODE actually.

They brought me home after that and I walked the other direction. There's even a need for them to drag me, literally, and I kept on saynig that I'm just fine when in fact, I almost fell like a number of times. Geez... And the next thing I know, I'm on my bed, having the worst head ache.

Having said that... and remembering that incident from time to time... It leaves a smile on my face. That was really fun I must say. And good thing I have my boxer briefs on. What more if I don't have any at all. What a ruckus! It will top all of my embarassing moments in life.

And right after that day, I swore to not drink anymore. And guess what... as I was creating this post, my head hurts actually from last night. Yes, I was drunk... again... But no embarassing moments this time. Last night's concoction was Emperador Brandy and Red Horse. Love it!

Until the next drinking session guys... Oh yeah... That will be tonight!

*hik*

Shifting Gear...

Lately... I have been wondering how does it feel to have a female partner. Does it feel the same way as having a male partner? Oh geez... I just can't fathom the idea still.

It's just that my current partner opened the idea on how would I feel if he will get married and have kids in the future. And that I will still be his partner at the same time. Of course my initial reaction would be to say NO. Definitely. But considering maturity, I guess he made sense in a way. IMO, I am not ready with that kind of set up. Good thing it was only an idea. And I hope he won't even push thru with it.

Which made me wonder... how about if I will do the same thing? Even when I'm intoxicated... still I don't think I can do it. It was only in high school wherein I kissed a girl (enter song "i kissed a girl and i like it"). And it was something I have never played in my head over and over again. The thought leaves a smile on my face. Kinda laughing at myself at the same time. Why? What made me decide to do that before? Peer pressure I guess. But now, nobody can pressure me. I have embraced the life in the other side of the court.

Oh cut the crap. It will never happen... AGAIN! Ahehehehe....

Fetus: Flush me not Momma!

Flushing a fetus in a toilet bowl is not just acceptable. Period.

I hope that the story I heard is just a gossip of some sort. Oh please let it be a gossip. I can't help but feel so sorry for the baby.

Another issue to be discussed... Someone saw a fetus in the ladies' restroom, with the hands not flushed and the blood settling at the bottom of the bowl. I wish that what he saw was only a shit that was mixed with the monthly period of that stupid girl. And that her shit was soooo big that it was not successfully flushed. I know I'm trying to deny the whole thought. But at least I'd feel better.

Now, if you think this whole story is true... please comment on it. I know a lot of people kinda saw or was in commotion outside the ladies' restroom.

Lexie... I hope you were just kidding when you said you saw it with your own eyes...

SCARY... MORBID... SAD...

300

It seems that it's been ages. As you said it the other day, it's not even a year but you feel that we have known each other for half our lives.

I agree. I know now that eating fish and your name would not belong in the same sentence. Ever. Except now.

That you like eating this spanish bread from a small bakery in Banawa.

That you prefer White Chocolate Mocha over other drinks.

That it would only need to look into your sweaty palms to know your nervous / excited.

That you hate electric fan or airconditioning while sleeping. You even use comforter for crying out loud!

That you are super concious of your chicken legs.

I know that you love Cari Dee fron ANTM Cycle 7.

And you feel that you're a re-incarnation of Serena from Gossip Girl.

I know now that you hate watching Superhero movies.

And would prefer Mamma Mia over Dark Knight!

Today, I'd know when to stop talking and just listen.

I've mastered reading between the lines because you've mistaken me for a mind-reader so many times.

That silence is your best weapon against me when we argue.

And that never stopped me from arguing with you still.

That your voice becomes shrilly when your mad.

And about ten tone lower when you're dead-on serious.

I know that your family is your biggest treasure.

And that you'll do anything in this world for them.

I have seen how you become more and more of your dad.

Specially when you're mad :)

I can picture out your ugliest face when you cry, snot and all.

And the biggest smile when you're happy.

Oh and yeah, I know how much you love me.

20 Post Break-up Things

I can say 100%, basing from observable behaviors that these facts are true if you just had a break-up with your partner...

1. All of the songs that you've listened are all related to you.

2. Even RnB and House musics; still you can relate them to you.

3. You alcohol binge all the time trying to ignore the whole fact that you're single again.

4. You pretend like you're happy and you're not affected (let's face it, this is part of the whole exercise).

5. You update your friendster, multiply, blogspot and other network related tools for your personal gain.

6. You started watching movies alone. (Which I miss so badly).

7. You suddenly get in touch with old friends who's there with or without a partner.

8. You realize and thank those people who's still there even if you haven't seen them for like six months. (You know who your are guys... love you all).

9. All of a sudden there's an urge for you to change your hairstyle (case in point, hair color).

10. You go back to shopping and more shopping.

11. You're back in the social circuit. Clubbing, clubbing and clubbing.

12. Your phone batteries will last for like three (3) days maximum.

13. You sleep the whole day without any worries.

14. You spend more time with your pet unlike before. (I know Bruce is happy with this).

15. Adjusting to the whole new routine. Kinda difficult but this too shall pass.

16. You start to listen to different people about the stories that's going around about your break-up. Which I hate. They all have different versions.

17. Your mom will immediately know without telling her. I bet they ESP. :-)

18. When you go out on a weekend you feel like you don't know most of the people.

19. Or when you know someone, they'll really know why you're out. Alone.

20. You'll start paying respects to Marlboro, Vodka, Red Bulls and Red Horse.

I'll add more... if something new will come up.

Oh well, these are some of the things actually that I have noticed. And I know some of my friends noticed this as well.

As what they say... each one of us uses different ways to cope up with what happened. And I intend to stick to what I am doing right now.

HAKUNA MATATA!

I've Done 100 of the 120 stupidest things.

Stolent from Marti!

Level 1
(x) Smoked A Cigarette
(x ) Smoked A Cigar
(x ) Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex

SO FAR: 3

Level 2
(x) Are / Been In Love
(x ) Dumped someone
( ) Been Fired
( x) Been In A Fist Fight

SO FAR: 6

Level 3
(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person
(x) Skipped Class -yah i did but its for the lone reason of polishing dance routines..
(x ) Slept With A Co-worker
(x) Seen Someone / Something Die - my mom (sigh... missing her so much!)

SO FAR: 10

Level 4
(x) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Multiply Contacts
( ) Been To Paris
( ) Been To Spain
(x) Been On A Plane
(x) Thrown Up From Drinking - many many times. haha.

SO FAR: 13

Level 5
(x) Eaten Sushi - i love all foods! =)
( ) Been Snowboarding
(x ) Met Someone Through Internet
( ) Been in a Mosh Pit

SO FAR: 15

Level 6
(x) Been In An Abusive Relationship
(x) Taken Pain Killers
(x) Liked/loved Someone Who You Cant Have
(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
(x) Made A Snow Angel ---- will it count if you did it on a white sand beach?

SO FAR: 20

Level 7
( ) Had A Tea Party
(x) Flown A Kite
(x) Built A Sand Castle
( ) Gone mudding - mudding? whats mudding?!
(x) Played Dress Up

SO FAR: 23

Level 8
(x) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
( ) Gone Sledding
(x) Cheated While Playing A Game
(x) Been Lonely
(x) Fallen Asleep At Work / School - haha, with all he partying? you just can't help it! zzzzz.

SO far: 27

Level 10
(x) Watched The Sun Set
(x) Felt An Earthquake
( ) Killed A Snake

SO FAR: 29

Level 11
(x) Been Tickled
(x) Been Robbed / Vandalized
(x) Been cheated on
(x) Been Misunderstood

SO FAR: 33

Level 12
(x) Won A Contest
( ) Been Suspended From School
(x) Had Detention
(x) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident - I was the one driving...

SO FAR: 36

Level 13
( ) Had / Have Braces
(x) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) Danced in the moonlight

SO FAR : 38

Level 14
(x) Hated The Way You Look - gotta shed all these flabs!
( ) Witnessed A Crime
( ) Pole Danced
(x) Questioned Your Heart
(x) Been obsessed with post-it-notes - i still use it until now..

SO FAR: 41

Level 15
(x) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
( ) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Felt like you where dying

SO FAR: 44

Level 16
(x) Cried to sleep
(x) Played Cops And Robbers
(x) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
(x) Sang Karaoke
(x) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins

SO FAR: 49

Level 17
(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't - i just can't help it sometimes

(x) Made Prank Phone Calls
(x) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose - hahaha... its painful
(x) Kissed In The Rain - .

SO FAR: 53

Level 18
(x) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
(x) Watched The Sun Set/ sun rise With Someone You Care/Cared About
(x) Blown Bubbles
(x) Made A Bonfire On The Beach Or Anywhere - camping & bonding moments!!! =)

SO FAR: 57

Level 19
(x) Crashed A Party
( ) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
(x) Gone Rollerskating / Blading
(x) Had A Wish Come True
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey - i can't believe this could happen!

SO FAR: 60

Level 20
(x) Worn Pearls

( ) Jumped Off A Bridge
(x)Screamed "Penis" or "Vagina" - my expression... hehehehe

( ) Swam With Dolphins

SO FAR: 62

Level 22
(x) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/ice Cube
(x) Kicked A Fish - haha.
(x) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
(x) Sat On A Roof Top

SO FAR: 66

Level 23
(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs - .
( ) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
(x) Talked On The Phone For More Than 6 Hours
(x) Recently stayed Up for a while talking to someone you care about

SO FAR: 69

Level 24
( ) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
(X) Climbed A Tree
(x) Had/Been In A Tree House
(x) Been scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone

SO FAR: 72

Level 25
(x) Believed In Ghosts
(x) Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes
( ) Gone Streaking
(x) Visited Jail

SO FAR: 75

Level 26
( ) Played Chicken - how do you play chicken?
(x) Been Pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(x) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger
(x) Broken A Bone
(x) Been Easily Amused - shallow me

SO FAR: 79

Level 27
( ) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later -

(x) Made A Porn Video/got asked to make one
(x) Caught A Butterfly
(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried - most of time
(x) Cried So Hard You Laughed

SO FAR: 83

Level 28
(x) Mooned/Flashed Someone
(x) Had Someone Moon/Flash You
(x) Cheated On A Test
(x) Forgotten Someone's Name - bad in remembering them
(x) French Braided Someones Hair
(x) Gone Skinny Dipping
( ) Been Kicked Out Of Your House

SO FAR: 89

Level 29
(x) Rode A Roller Coaster
(x) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling - fun fun!
(x) Had A Cavity
(x) Black-Mailed Someone
(x) Been Black Mailed

SO FAR: 94

Level 31
(x) Been Used
(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs - hahahaha.
( ) Licked A Cat
(x) Bitten Someone
(x) Licked Someone

SO FAR: 98

Level 32
( ) Been shot at/or at gunpoint
(x) Had sex in the rain
(x) Flattened someones tires
( ) Rode in a car/truck until the gas light came on
( ) Got five dollars or less worth of gas

TOTAL: 100

Repost this with the title:
I've Done 100 of the 120 stupidest things.
(with your total in that blank spot.)

From Black to Brown...

Once upon a time, there was a gay guy who all of a sudden, changed his hair color from black... to ash brown.

Question: What do you think is the reason why this gay guy changed his hair color?

a. He's bored with his life?

b. They broke up with his partner?

c. He doesn't know what to do with his small amount of money?

The first who can guess it right will have a special price from ME! :-)

Six (6) lbs lost and 29 more to go...

July 1, 2008 was the date I signed up with Fitness First to do something about my weight. It was a hard decision for me since I am not a health conscious person nor conscious about my weight, as what I have stated from my previous post. Nor I could imagine myself counting the calorie content before consuming those food that I have been craving thinking that it will be a torture from my end. If only not for Lexie from losing 30 lbs in like 3 months then I would never have the motivation I need to make the first step. Thanks Lexie. You made it all happen.

And in less than a month, I have lost 6 lbs already. Cutting down on my carbo intake and making sure that I don't starve myself and eating lite food every three hours. It was an effort from my end at first but after knowing that there's indeed a result, it feels great and I feel the urge to lose more. Which I know by the way that I can do it. I have set a target that by next year, I will achieve my desired weight and be able to wear trunks confidently (right Lexie?).

This time I have my mind on it and I am determined to finish this. Thanks to my partner for motivating me as well to do something about my health. And to my friends from pushing me as well and for motivating me. As what they say... Motivation is what gets you started, habit is what keeps you going.

You won't be seeing much of me especially during night-outs since I've made some control measures in my alcohol intake as well. I would love to surprise you guys when you see me that I have indeed lost weight noticeably, hopefully by next year. LOL.

Surprise! Surprise!

PS. Motivate me more... Leave a message here my friends! :-)

I'm Back...

Lemme update you guys with what's going on in my life...

I know I haven't been paying much attention to my Multiply Account. Hell to my Friendster as well. I can't even remember the last time I have opened my Friendster... and I guess that was eons ago.

Okay, here are some of the things that are kinda new in my life right now... and most of them are just the same and going stronger. Lovelife for one is doing great. On to our 6th month. Yipee!

1. Started working out and burning some extra calories. Yes, it was a major decision for me knowing that I don't believe in going to the gym and be one of those health-conscious individuals. But gaining weight and reaching *** lbs. is crazy. And so far I have been religiously doing the things needed for me to achieve my desired weight and body structure. Hopefully I'll join the modeling and showbiz career by then. It's never too late. Bwahahahahaha... (Ultimate Goal: to-die-for-abs)

2. I have achieved my goal as well when it comes to my career. For now, I am happy with it and I'll stay focus and I don't have any plans yet to what will be the next stop. I am too young for the next level I guess and I need to learn and apply new things in the industry that I am in.

3. Night life and clubbing has been at the bottom of my priority for now. Yes, that's true. And I can say that this is new. Though I went out last Saturday but that was to spend some time with my Sups as part of our bonding session. And it was the first time I got drunk after 3 or 4 months? I am not sure even. Hehehehehe... I just realized that I can outlive it pala.

4. I will be pursuing my MBA. Aside from work, I need to divert my focus and time as well in studies. I have been planning for this for the longest time and I will be starting hopefully this coming semester. Need to add something in my portfolio. And I know this is just the right time for me to do it.

And next month i'll be celebrating my birthday and I'm going to add one digit higher in my age. I guess those changes that I have in my life are clear manifestations that I am no longer a kid. Things seem to fall in its right places at the right time. I have never felt contented and happy with my life right now. Gone are the days wherein i'll go home wasted every chance that I get away from work. Or even on a working week.

I haven't seen some of my old friends and I have to admit I miss them. But you know that you're still my friends no matter what. We may not spend much time just like before but I know when we have the chance to spend some company, it will be the same. The laughters and those old stories... See 'ya around guys okay? I hope you are all doing great.

Until then! *smooches*

P.S.

My Birthday is on August 10. Save it in your calendar now. :-)

A Happy Father's Day Story

*** Something I copied from one of my favorite blogs. I made some major major modifications though. I changed the ending and some circumstances, I also made the story and the conversation longer. We'll basically, I stole his idea and made it mine. Plagiarism ikaw ba yan? ***

First, I feel the bed bounce. Then, I hear a voice, his voice. “Wake up dad! Wake up dad! Wake up dad,” he says with an urgency only a seven year old can generate. The bedsprings squeak underneath me.

I half-open my eyes. There he is, Sean, my son, my very reason I open my eyes every morning, jumping on the mattress like a trampoline artist. “Stop that,” I say gently. He stops, sits astride my belly, and forces my eyes wide open with his little fingers.

“Happy fathers day, dad,” he says. Then he kisses my left and right cheek, leaving a warm seal of saliva on both surfaces.

"Thank you." Noticing the absence of my langga in the room, I ask him, "Where’s your other dad? Have you greeted him?”

“I did. He's in the kitchen making breakfast. He asked me to wake you up. Or else, we might be late…”

As he spoke, I notice for the first time that the edge of his left eyebrow is turned slightly upward. Just like langga's. This brings my tally of Traits Sean Inherited From Langga to nineteen. And this is always a source of good fun between me and his other dad. I would always say, "He can have your looks but the hell I'll fight tooth and nails so he'll have my brains. And Langga would always concede. Hahaha!

. "At least we know he'll end up a handsome guy," langga once said. "And what's that supposed to mean?" I asked, feigning indignation.

“… late for our trip to the beach later. Dad says that we still have to pass by the grocery to buy stuff for our barbecue. Can I get a gum? Puhlease? Or a new toy car? King ate the last one you got me."

"Of course, but you have to promise me to clean up everytime after playing, ok? You know that dog chews just about anything." I said.

"Ok, I pwamis." With his right hand raised to a pledge.

"I love you. Do you love Daddy too?"

"Of course! Why do you always ask that? Just like Daddy!"

Because I want to know that you love me. Because I would die if I lose you. Because I want to be assured that you are mine. Even if you're not, wholly. I told myself.

"Because - well, just because! Why? Can't daddies ask questions like that?"

"You can! Uhm, dad..."

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, young man." Then I grabbed him by his tiny waist and gave him the biggest hug and a smooch.

"Dad! Stop it. You're tickling me." He bellowed.

Even the way he speaks reminds me of my langga.

I let him go and he started jumping up and down again. "Hurry up Dad! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!" he was saying in a sing-song.

I checked the clock. It says: “5:15 a.m. June 15, 2011.

I looked at him and saw my life - this little person jumping up and down changed my life, the course of my history. And I told myself - whoever is up there that made this possible, I owe you a lot. Thank you.

“Don’t worry,” I tell my son. “We have plenty of time.”

www.misterhubs.blogspot.com

This too shall pass...

This too shall pass. There are good days; there are bad days. There will be days when you’re crowned king of the world. Be humble; this too shall pass. There will be days when you just want the earth to open up and swallow you whole. Chin up; this too shall pass.

And then came the night....

Shit happens. But we are starting anew.

All Good Things Come to an End...

Some people are destined to be happy... some are destined to be sad... some are destined to be married... some are destined to be single... and I guess i'll always end up the latter...

101 Days

101 Days

of joy

and laughter

and heartache

and tears

and smiles

and sharing a bottle of beer

and stick of cig

and of late dinners

and brunches

and early dawn breakfast

and midnight conversation

and dreams

and fears

and anticipation

and friends

and family

and work

and frustration

and triumphs

and petty fights

and sweet reconciliaton

and corny SMS

and unforgettable moments

with you.

"For you, a thousand times over." The Kite Runner

Hit me baby one more time!

What is it that I need to do inorder for me to feel satisfied? Some people are saying that it's human nature... people won't really feel satisfied. Am I one of them? Do I need to assert myself all the time to get what I want? Then what next? Look for something which I don't have and do everything to get it? Is this a never ending cycle? Nosebleed! This is driving me nuts!

So, if you guys are wondering why I'm ranting about this whole stuff... it's plain and simple. I sometimes don't get myself. Feeling happy now... in a few minutes I'll sulk. Feeling depressed to no apparent reason. Am I a follower of Brit Brit's guide to insanity? BIPOLAR HELLO! Sooner or later I will have to start shaving my hair. And do all those crazy stuff. I know I have friends who will remind me all the time if I am going beyond the limit. And I am greatful for that. Reality Checkers. As what I call them. Some of them will tell it to me straight how slutty I can get. Some will tell me I'm too wicked to function. Some will tell me I lure guys all the time. Partly of it is true. In Denial. No comment.

But some of them knew how I really feel. I know I have been searching and waiting for someone whom I could share with what I have right now and to what I will be having in the future. And admittedly, it's kinda difficult to find one. We evaluate their personality. What's their line of work. How much do you think they are earning. And all those checklists. I can't enumerate all of them. And as we get to learn new lessons in life, we add another item on our checklist. I know my personality is too strong. I think all the time. And it stresses me a lot. All I am asking is, to find someone who can totally dominate me. That person will decide for us. Do the thinking. Control everything. Where is he? I don't know. Used to have him, but he left me. And mind you... he was my longest. Which goes to prove that I can work well in a relationship if the partner I have is stronger than me. Personality wise.

I guess it's time for me to look for another spot. Fishing in one spot can give you the same variety of fish. I'm this *close* in moving to a different spot. But I am still hoping, the spot where I am standing right now, will give me the right one.

Stubborn me. K-Fed just left me.

Blame it on the coffee!

Date: 04 Jan 2008, 19:26
hello,im gene from banilad cebu,coffee?just txt me 0905*******,see u

I got this message in my account in a gay website. And I know some of you knows about this already. Well, his account doesn't have any pictures on it. No profile details. Which means, it's plain blank. I didn't know what came into my head wherein I decided to just go with it. I asked for his picture but it ended up he sent me the same message again. Clear enough... he's playing safe and too discreet about himself. Who cares! I'm out. And I'm not at the losing end.

So, I asked him to have coffee here in Starbucks across our office. In that case, if he won't show up, I'm still okay. Since I'm doing something at work. We decided to meet up around 2 pm. The time wherein the site just closed for the day's operation. Same thing, I asked him what he was wearing and he didn't tell me about it. Instead he asked me to what I was wearing. Okay, I gave the information to him again. I was really thinking that everything was a big joke. Until he texted me that he's inside starbs waiting for me. I crossed the street, called him up and he saw me na daw according to him. But I am still clueless how he looks like or what was he wearing. I went inside Starbs and he approached me. Wanna know how he looks like?

He's roughly around early thirties. Sporting a long hair (but no that long). Medium built. Knows how to dress well. Good looking. Moreno. Got his own exporting business. Single.

So there, we had coffee, conversation, sharing some thoughts and ideas. And then he decided that he wanted to drink. Okay... being the alcoholic me, I said yes. We went to this place in Lahug, wherein most people working in a call center hangs out to have their alcohol fix. He drank 2 bottles of san mig light and I had 4 bottles of 500ml Red Horse. I was tipsy, and he was kinda tipsy as well. On the way home... things went kinda rough. Kissing, touching and ironing (plantsa moments-ask your gay friend what's the meaning of this word). And we're there infront sa house. We parked. Continued doing what we started. Bwahahaha... Until I realized that there are people still around us. Hello?!?! That was like 8 pm??? Too early for a shag.

We decided to hit it on some motel on the way home. And everything was fast. Rush. Fast forward. And we're both exhausted. Freshen up. Went home. Kissed each other goodbye. And honestly? I don't know if I will be meeting him up again. I might just be his one-night-stand encounter. And I will have to consider him as one too. We don't know.

And I will just realize one day... if I will come across him... I would mention to a friend that he looks kinda familiar. Memory lapses. Since everything was temporary. People may say we're tired of it. But we just can't help it. We wanted to get serious. But people wanted different things. Until when... until when will I end this?

We will never know.

2008: New Life... New Me!

Happy New Year to each and everyone (assuming that I still have my old readers with me considering that I haven't made any updates on this site)!

It has been a tradition wherein someone should create their New Year's Resolution at the start of the year. But I have to admit I don't have one. But, I celebrated my holidays in a different way. Others will travel, spend their Christmas Holiday in some expensive hotel, resort or whatever. But I have chosen to go home (to my hometown) after 5 years. Yes, I have been spending my holiday seasons away from my family for the last 5 years. But 2007 was different. And I guess it's time to give my family a simple yet memorable celebration of a Christmas Eve. At least they have known me better. Like drowning myself with alcohol in front of them and trying to light a stick of cigarette one after the other. Hahahaha... And mind you, my family knows about my sexuality already. Yes, they are happy that I am GAY. Gay and beautiful. LOL! Enough about that...

The most important thing that I would like to share is the OUTREACH PROGRAM that we did last December 26, 2007. We have adopted one barangay in our hometown, gathered the kids in that area and distributed some goodies (used clothings, old toys, snacks, candies, and food). It was organized by our batch in High School. And I would like to thank my classmates (Jabez, Shugar, Sarah, Jonah, Carmel, Zion, Christine, Biboy, Lester, Ceasar, and the rest who donated for the cause) for the effort and all. That was the first we did that kind of activity actually and we are planning to do it year after year. And we can come up with more gifts to give by that time. With the help of each and everyone. Thank you in advance.

Don't get me wrong here... some of you may have known how wicked I am but by the end of the day... I'm just human... capable of feeling sad emotions and loneliness... feeling sorry for those kids that are deprived with their basic needs. And seeing them smiling and having fun with the games that we conducted, seeing them enjoying the food and sharing some to their friends... that is more than rewarding. We don't care about the UV rays that can damage our skin just to be with them. And you know for a fact how can I get so arte sometimes. But there should always be an exception. A time wherein you will have to stop thinking about yourself. Think about those less fortunate around you. And it amazes me how other people would think that their life sucks because they don't have a glamorous job. Come on... be thankful that you have a job. It provides food in the table. Stop Whining. Just be thankful.

Whew. I just can't believe I said those things. :-)

Now I can say that I am done with the stage of thinking more about myself (but of course sometimes I will have to think about myself... less). It's time to go deeper. Minimize those wordly vices (ahemmm... kakayanin ko to. Pramis!). Stop ranting on things. Learn how to share what I have got. Coz at the end of the day... receiving "thank you" messages from the people around can make you feel good and can leave a big smile on your face. It's rewarding. And I know this... since I have received a lot so far.

Ang kulang na lang... eh yung magmamahal sa akin. :-( Hahay... Hopefully this year is my year. I couldn't ask anything more from my career, friends and family. Only someone I could share what I have. But that someone is nowhere to be found. Maybe he's lost. If someone will see him, please give him the directions kung saan niya ako mahahanap. :-) Baka naligaw lang. LOL.

And also, I will be updating this site regularly. will sort to writing again as my stress reliever even if I don't have the talent at all. Just random stuff.

I LOVE YOU ALL! AND WELCOME BACK TO ME! xoxo

PS. SRs Batch '98, I am having hard time sending the pics. It's such a huge file. Tried zipping it but still it won't work. I will find a way to send them to you. For the mean time, please send me your e-mail addresses. Thanks!

I Wish You Knew

As I listen to you my heart skip a
beat...

I wish I am telling you what am typing
right now...

but then again, only my blog knows...

You are far but yet so near...

SO near that I can touch you, feel
you...

You eyes speaks a million words about
your soul...

How fragile you are...

I wanna keep you, protect you... be
with you...

But love is not my right to say...

It is not mine and I wish it is...

As i sing you songs, I realize that my
heart is unfolding itself...

ever so carefully revealing itself

I wish you could tame me...

I wish... I love you... I could not
say...

I will keep this till the day my
breath departs

I will love you... but love is not
mine to keep...

Let My Heart Sing

*** Again, another repost from one of my favorite blogs.***

I know that you are going through a lot right now and I feel for you. As I have told you before, compared to what you have been through, my life is bland, trivial and shallow. So forgive me if I cannot emphatize to your feelings right now. The most that I can do is be there for you. Be at your side when the times calls for it.

Sometimes we need an outsider's perspective to see the better side of things. To tell you honestly, I was *this* close to giving up on this. Remember when I texted you about finally understanding what your Ex was saying when he said - "You're too much to handle."
I was at that stage earlier today. I admit that it was for selfish reasons. I didn't want you to go, I can't afford that right now. Tell me that I'm a bad person for wanting the things that I want - that would be fine, I will accept that. I mean, when you said that you might go back to the States to be with your ex just to see your son, my heart just sunk. Again, for selfish reasons, I did not even try to understand what you are feeling at the moment when you realized that you might need to make that decision in
the future.

I talked to John - the guy I dated last year. He said things that made me realize that this might just be a bump along the road. He told me how I made him feel important and how I inspired him to be a better person. I never thought I had that in me. He told me that if I value the person, I need to stand by his side specially when times are rough. Today, more than ever, you needed me to be supportive, to be there, to at least listen - but I wasn't able to do that - because I always thought I was beyond this feeling. I always thought that I would never let myself be affected by other facets of your life. I always thought that loving you was enough to pull me through everything that would come. I always thought that this feeling would teach me to accept your past. Well, I thought wrong.

It's not true that love is all we need. Sometimes, love would be challenged, it would wane, like gold it would eventually lose its luster. I have been looking into things through rose-colored glasses. I was high up there. I was intoxicated with all these strangely remote but familiar feelings. But reality suddenly reality hits you right in front of your face. And we all know that reality is not an easy thing to accept. The harshness of the things that I had to bear with was so enormous that I bucked under it. I faltered. I failed you. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry because I became emotionally weak. I'm sorry because I was not strong enough.
I'm sorry because I failed you. I'm sorry because this is the both the best and worst time
to tell you this.

I hope you'll forgive me - for I have learned a lesson. Love is not enough. We need compassion. We need understanding - far greater than any I have experienced before. I need patience. And I just realized that you've taught me those. I realized that I have been more
compassionate to others. More understanding of people's shortcomings. More forgiving
at times even. Patience was something that I don't have - but you also thought me that.

I understand you now.

With that, let me say: Count me in for the long haul. This might sound cheesy, but let me
say it anyway, I'm just here. I'm staying and it would take more than what you are
experiencing rght now for me to give up.

Love Love

*** END ****

www.mountainest.livejournal.com



-lexie-

PS: Ang haba no? Ang drama pa. Huwag mo akong tawanan kasi sasakalin kita! Hmp!

Rated as Overrated

Tagged by Jappy:

1. Reality TV Shows

Wheter be it local or international. For example; Pinoy Big Brother, come on! Who in their right minds would believe that real people act like that? Some say it's a social experiment, some would say it's breakthrough TV, I'd say, it's the same format over and over again: Put a group of people together, maroon them somewhere, make then do task or challenges and dangle a hefty cash prize - people would act like that, in front of the camera for the ratings!

2. Super Models

I know that I have been watching too much "America's Next Top Model" lately, but that only fortified my belief that being a model is overrated. Imagine, not accepting a job that would pay less that $10,000! Ridiculous!

3. Designer Clothes

I love clothes! I love shopping. But please - put a weird sounding name on it and price multiplies one hundred fold.

4. Gangsters / Rockers

Puhleassseee!

5. Philippines Politics

Hello Garci? ZTE? Erap?

6. New Age Whathaveyou / Self-Help Guru's

I can't understand why they call it "New Age" when the concept that their selling has been in existence and practived for the longest time. Ang oh, the self-help thingie, if you want to really improve yourself, you don't need a book/speaker to tell you that. You'll only make them richer.

7. Sex

Yes, sex is overrated.

8. Discrimination

This should have been left in the last century.

9. Street Parliaments / Activism

Gone are the days when being tagged as "tibak" was a heroic thing. Marcos is dead. Let's focus our energies in nation-building instead, like what we should have done years ago.

10. USA

Three words: Iraq, Katrina, Bush.
'nuff said.

Emotional Procrastination

This is a re-post, something written by a friend in his blogs. I highlighted some on my fave lines.

Emotional Procrastination...

One sure thing that caught my attention recently is destiny, no not the girl band but destiny itself. I am not a believer of destiny but at this point somehow I can use the term... I go for like destiny is how you make it... Ahmmm, that wasnt the case on my part. Though it was not my intention of sending a message to someone and it didn’t cross my mind that it would be something more than what I was opt to do that night. It's not everyday when surprise surprise, I meet this one extra ordinary exemption from the common people you bump to on a day-to-day basis.

In relation to that, when do you say that what you feel is love? Can we gauge it enough? Is it time that tells whether what you feel is love? I hope things can be perfectly clear... Its hard cause when emotions take over you, it just sets you in auto pilot. It takes you to certain mental states. It shrouds decision making, affects your senses, and it takes you away from logic. Am afraid, I have been hurt and I think since then I could no longer afford getting hurt again. Risk taking is something I have learned. But it has to go along with how to check if the risk I am taking is feasible. When it comes to investing emotions, every person in this world is as if they are businessmen. Trading and transacting, collaborating. Some of them gains and some looses... I loose a lot though, but i don’t bother, with loosing comes strength because it just gives me enough experience to get along to the next level of my journey.

Emotional bankruptcy, been to it a lot. I came across lines saying that you don’t have to settle for less. When people say that, how in the world would they know if their not settling for less if they wont get into it? Not my opinion, but someone told me that when looking for the right person you don’t have to necessarily wait. I ought to remember then that destiny is what you make out of it. We make things happen and destiny is based on our decisions and choices we make. So, its true then that its actually you who makes the person right for the moment. I hope this makes sense.

When saying our I love you's, do we have to wait to confirm it? There's no telling what will happen next... We may not feel the same as what we feel yesterday when we still feel that weird feeling that we ought to be confuse about whether its love or not. When we wait, we just lose the chance of saying our I love yous because we get busy contemplating about it. its just like you cry over losing a pet or something. Time and time passes til you will eventually get over it. Its like love as a feeling comes a time that it ceases to exist. Why wait, when you have all the chance of saying it?

XXXSTATIC WEEKEND!

XXXSTATIC? Hmmm... I will be flying to Manila tomorrow, Saturday and will be back on a Tuesday. Wondering what am I going to do there? Like duh! Read my previous post again if you want.

Like last weekend, I was with THE JOBLESS RABBIT and for this weekend, I'm going to spend it with my ECSTATIC HUNK! Oh boy I'm just wondering what's in store for me this time. Let's just hope I won't be disappointed or something. And I am staying at his place. He won't allow me to rent a hotel room or something thinking that he is not the only one I'm gonna hook up with in Manila. MAY TAMA SIYA!!! And now how can I get away from his sight to meet up with some interesting-sweet-cum-tasting creatures. Nyahahahahahaha... If only he'll drown himself with "E" and he won't notice me anymore, in the middle of the crowd, surrounded by sweaty bodies dancing to Madonna's Hits, exchanging fluids, in GOV. But I doubt.

Hmp, come what may. All I need after all is freaking good shag from a hot guy. And I am definitely getting that. I am so used to this "What Paul wants... Paul gets!" mantra. Assuming lang? So what? This is my blog. Bwahahahahahahahaha...

Vodka-Bull and Marlboro Gold? PURRFECT! Can't wait for them. ;-)

I'm dense....

Yes, I am dense.

I am not good in reading between the lines.

I am used to people saying things that needs to be said.

I am dense.And I'm sorry.

No, I don't assume things.

That's just way too scary for me.

We talked about self-preservation, remember?

Apprehensions, I have millions.

But I'm learning, I'm trying to reach out.

I'm taking baby steps.

This is way beyond my comfort zone and you know that.

Give me time and I'll be comfortable with your life.

I'd say YES to your question - if you ask me again.

I was reading the blog entry that you wrote last night.

There are two things I want to say....

Awwww... That's sweet. Thank you.

"I ought to remember then that destiny is what you make out of it. We make things happen and destiny is based on our decisions and choices we make. So, its true then that its actually you who makes the person right for the moment. I hope this makes sense." JS, 09.11.2007

DYSFUNCTIONAL LOVE INTERESTS.

How to complicate ones love life? Plain and simple. Just get hooked to any of these guys. Isabay mo lahat. You're just there in the corner and they will start bugging you like hell. Learn from me sweeties! But the truth is, I haven't learned anything myself.

1. THE ECSTATIC HUNK - Okay, he's one of those cute/hot guys you can see in the circuit scene in Manila. Hitting those best clubs in town with gorgeous friends. He is gorgeous himself. We hit it off right ayaw. Over my break in Manila. Things got too emotional and I just realized that he was under the influence of ECSTACY! No wonder. I should have known before the night started. Double drop minimum and sometimes he can go on three. I can't imagine myself being with someone who's into recreational drugs. Damn! Maybe I can have him as my recreational toy instead. Whatcha think?

2. THE JOBLESS RABBIT - Now, this other guy I used to date before. And I can clearly remember it all started last SInulog this year. Hmmm... Those braces are irresistible and yes, we were together for quite sometime even if my friend Lexie didn't give his 100% approval. He mentioned something like the guy couldn't be trusted. And now, he's trying to get me back. But this time, he's a total scrub. No work. I even payed for his weekend grocery. I would love to think I am helping as a friend. And not his sugar Momma. Bwahahahahahaha... Tsk tsk tsk... And maybe you will wonder why RABBIT? He's harsh! *naughty*

3. THE COMMITTED DORK - Okay, try to read my previous entry and you will know exaclty why the third label. Just read thru it. And my problem with this person is that I see him 5 days a week and that is like 9 hours per day. How can someone start moving on if you can see him everyday. This is useless. Good thing he's on Vacation this week and will be back next week. I hope it will be longer than that. Ugh! How can I be so stupid. I am *this* close to being the official KULASISI. But good thing it never jumpred into the next level. We did talk and I have decided to end it all up. Yes, I did!

So there, and so far, you need these kinds of individual to complicate your life. Have them in your life almost at the same time. Start to fuck them together almost at the same time. Sometimes it amazes me how this well-experienced-gay-urban-professional be stuck in this kind of situation. STUPIDITY! Que Horror! Que Barbaridad!

Morning Song

Part of this song was posted in a networking site.

As far as I know, he knew this song because of me. I played this the last time we were together. T'was almost a week ago. I visited his site and there it was - that line - posted somewhere - in the introduction.

It just so happened that our conversation started from work and turned into comparing songs from our CP's. I told him this is one of my favorite songs. "Morning Song" basically talks about what happens the morning after you had sex. Some part of the lyrics could be explicit but since it was Jewel, it was kinda wholesome. And just to set the record straight, the only "notes" that we compared was from our favorite songs.

I'm not sure what to make out of it. If this was posted for me, I'm tickled pink. If not, well, that's just a bummer, right?

MORNING SONG (Jewel)

Let the phone ring.
Let's go back to sleep.
Let the world spin outside our door,
You're the only one that I wanna see.
Tell your boss you're sick,
Hurry, get back in, I'm getting cold.
Get over here and warm my hands up, boy,
It's you they love to hold.
And stop thinking about what your sister said.
And stop worry'n about it,
Yes, the cat's already been fed.
Come on darlin', let's go back to bed.

(Chorus)
Put the phone machine on hold.
Leave the dishes in the sink.
Do not answer the door.
It's you that I adore, (for you I'll be a poor man's wife)
I'm gonna give you some more.

We'll sit on the front porch,
The sun can warm my feet.
You can drink your coffee with sugar and cream,
I'll drink my decaf herbal tea.
Pretend we're perfect strangers
And that we never met.
My, you remind me of a man I used to sleep with,
That's a face I'd never forget.
You can be Henry Miller and I'll be Anais Nin,
Except this time it'll be even better,
We'll stay together in the end.
Come on darlin', let's go back to bed.

(Chorus)

How Lustful Are You?

Your Lust Quotient: 80%

http://62.193.253.108/servlet/redirect.srv/p5.p1.pnshonc.pnycvjyagan.pzml/howmuchlustdoyouhavequiz/lust-4.jpg" height="100" width="100"> You are a very lustful person - and it sometimes gets the better of you! You know how to hold back, but you hardly ever do.

How'>http://62.193.253.108/servlet/redirect.srv/p5.p1.pbcd.pkvzsgvxdxk.pwji/howmuchlustdoyouhavequiz/">How Much Lust Do You Have?

Kabit, Kulasisi, Home Wrecker, Querido, The Other Guy, Ahas, Traydor, Etc

I plead GUILTY! I am such a slut! Isang KULASISI... (i love saying that word over and over again...)

Plain and simple. I love to complicate my life. Enter a situation that might be painful for me at the end. It's been a while actually. And something happened to us already. His partner doesn't know about this. Though he is suspecting that I am trying to steal his guy. Like yes, that is what I am doing. And this guy knows me... he even told my unofficial partner to stay away from me since I can always get what I want. Buti naman at alam niya. Na kaya kung kunin kung anuman gusto ko.

But before you guys judge me, I always have a qualifying question before I will start stealing someone else's partner. "Are you happy with your relationship now?" And clear enough this guy answered "NO". The reason why he's staying still in the relationship is that the legal partner is threatening him to commit SUICIDE if he will leave him. Drama drama drama... Go ahead and kill yourself asshole! The guy doesn't love you anymore. What a crap!

And now, it occured to me. How long will I keep this? What is my assurance? Feeling ko tuloy ako si Joanna (Maricel Soriano) sa pelikulang A LOVE STORY. Putang Ina! Nanood kami ng mga officemates ko sa movie na yan. Tawanan silang lahat habang ako eh iyak ng iyak. Natamaan po ako. Kung may mga batong lalabas sa screen ng sinehan para matamaan ang dapat matamaan eh malamang super dami ko nang bukol. I bet! At na realize ko rin ang sinabi niya dun sa movie. "Ayaw ko yung taga puno lang ng mga pagkukulang"... or something like that... Drama no? Bwahahahahaha... Itigil ang kahibangan na eto!

Tuloy, ang drama ng lola nyo eh nakikinig lang sa kanta ni Nina... "SOMEDAY".Komedi talaga ngayon buhay ko. This is not the only time na naging KULASISI po ako mga kaibigan. And ngayon, I am stopping this na. Napapagod na rin puso ko. I am moving on. HIndi niya kayang iwanan eh. Eh di manigas siya dun. Bitter ba? Bwahahahahahaha...

And now... balik sa pagiging alcoholic ang buhay ko. At mas grabe na ngayon. Sabayan nyo naman akong uminom. Nakaka depress mag-isa. Har har har... Dramz dramz dramz...

Toodles!

Dance With Me?

This is a post from one of the blogs I regularly read. I was planning to write somehting of this sort but when I read this, I thought it said whatever I wanna say, perfectly. So read on...

Dance With Me?

They say it takes two to tango, three to tangle. (ed.)

Okay, okay, I digress. Take two.

They say it takes two to tango. But for the longest time I can’t seem to find a right dance partner for me. Every time I get dragged onto the dance floor by what turns out to be an inappropriate dance partner, I just end up getting my feet—and heart—trampled over. No wonder I enjoy dancing solo on the ledge, away from it all.

So now I’m wondering: maybe it is not so much finding the One, your perfect dance partner. Maybe everyone’s a worthy dance partner in his or her own right; it’s just that some will jive better with you more than others. To the former you stay with them longer; to the latter, you politely go through the proper steps before twirling gracefully away.

Maybe life is just one big ballroom and everyone gets to try out different partners from time to time. Some are lucky to find a partner whom they want to stick it out with them to the end. Others get bored with just one partner. Still others end up going from one dancer to the next, always looking and never stopping.

Meanwhile I’m still here dancing solo and saying to myself, “Hey, this isn’t so bad. At least the music is kick-ass.”

visit: http://mcvie6.blogsppot.com

Sup Call No More

Sometimes we ignore others silent cry for help. It could be because we are too busy minding our own lives, waiting for things to happen. I am very much guilty of this.

He was my former agent. We worked together for a couple of months. He became one of my yosi-buddies. We became friends.

Having someone close die makes us realizes of our own mortality. Life is indeed short for some.

For Team Doug - I know this is a very painful time in your lives - and I can relate to the sadness. The shock will subside, the pain will recede but the memories should remain. We should never forget him.

In his own way, he made our lives happier, more meaningful. He used to tell me that he loves being in Escalations only because you can always tell our customers the truth. No sugarcoating. He would ask me for smoke breaks when he gets to be very emotional about his calls.

To Butch - we will miss you.

There's no Sup Calls in heaven.